


The Stars are on Fire

by cheesepotations



Category: Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: F/M, Heavy Angst, M/M, Suffering, Suicide Attempt, obi-wan suffers what i suffer, oh boy, this is me venting basically
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-07-08
Updated: 2016-07-08
Packaged: 2018-07-22 07:00:00
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 533
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7424668
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cheesepotations/pseuds/cheesepotations
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Maybe if Anakin had been a better padawan, Obi-wan wouldn't have hurt so bad. Maybe if Anakin had been a better Jedi, Obi-wan wouldn't have to cry. Maybe if Anakin had been a better friend, Obi-wan wouldn't have hated himself so much. Maybe if Anakin had paid attention to him, he wouldn't have found Obi-wan on the floor of his room. Maybe if Anakin had listened, Obi-wan wouldn't have pointed his own lightsaber at his chest. Maybe if Anakin had said something, Obi-wan wouldn't have turned it on.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Stars are on Fire

**Author's Note:**

> okay, so a lot of warnings. first of all, suicide. yeah. 
> 
> this wasn't beta read and this is just really me venting soooooooooo it's really ooc but i just wanted to vent

His hands were trembling. He was gripping the lightsaber so tightly, yet he felt as it if wasn’t there. He couldn’t feel his hands at all. Watching them shake ever so slightly, knuckles going pale as his fingers refused to drop the weapon. The metal no longer was cool against his palms; they had been there too long. It was so familiar in his hands, every indent mapped out in his mind. It had been held so many times his hands saw it as well as his eyes did. But the grooves under his fingertips felt strange. They had never held the lightsaber at this angle.

 

It didn’t feel real. 

  
  


_ Anakin chuckled. “Do you ever wonder what it’s like to feel a lightsaber pointed at you? Not like what we know, with trying to fight off the blade and that stuff,” he waved the hilt of his lightsaber around in his hand, fighting a mock enemy.  _

 

_ Obi-wan raised an eyebrow at him, confused, “As in, pointing just the hilt at someone?” _

 

_ Anakin nodded “Yeah. Seeing just the tip of it pointed at you, close enough that if it was turned on, it would go right through you. I bet that’ll be scarier that actually seeing the blade.” _

 

_ Obi-wan shrugged in response, turning away from Anakin to look back over the table. Plans were spread across it, information about Outer Rim planets that the Republic is after, recent Separitist attacks, and so on.  _

 

_ “Would that scare you, knowing that the press of a button would send a lightsaber through your chest?”  _

 

_ Obi-wan didn’t respond. _

 

_ At the time, he wouldn’t be scared of such a threat. Any enemy willing to go that close to him while he was unarmed and just threaten him did not wish him dead. They would want something from him most likely, and threaten him for it. And only those who would threaten him with a lightsaber were the Sith. And Obi-wan would rather die than give anything to the Sith. _

 

_ But Obi-wan didn’t want to feed Anakin’s interest in such philisophical questions. They had much more important things on their hands, such as an incoming attack on a Republic planet. They shouldn’t waste time on things like that. Obi-wan shrugged off the question, instead calling over Anakin and changing the subject to a new battle strategy. _

  
  


It was terrifying. 

 

It wasn’t exactly what Anakin had imagined. It wasn’t an enemy pointing the hilt at his face, staring down at the empty hilt as if it was a blaster. It was a different feeling, having the end pushed up against his chest, digging into his skin. It wasn’t on yet, but the waiting was just as terrifying as Anakin proposed. 

 

He felt so cold, so scared, so alone. He couldn’t go on anymore. He knew how many people he would abandon, how much they needed him. But he couldn’t be there for them, not now. He couldn’t be there for anyone. 

 

_ He was a failure. _

 

_ He was a coward _

 

_ He was selfish _

 

_ He was weak. _

 

He told himself it’s what had to be done. 

 

He told himself this as he turned it on.

 

As the door slid open.

 

As Anakin screamed.

**Author's Note:**

> The rest isn't gonna be from obi-wan but from anakin this was just the little "hey yeah obi-wan is suffering welcome to my story"
> 
> this was kinda just the prequel but yeah here we are. 
> 
> thanks for reading my suffering *finger guns*

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [Or Die Beside Him](https://archiveofourown.org/works/8155289) by [I_Gave_You_Fair_Warning](https://archiveofourown.org/users/I_Gave_You_Fair_Warning/pseuds/I_Gave_You_Fair_Warning)




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